Get Behind Me, Destructive Pattern!

Well, I started my pattern again last week. And, in this time in which God is giving us all ample opportunity — and, as I see it, even instructions — to break out of destructive patterns, that’s a dangerous thing.

Lord, I need you! May this post be the start of my new, healthy (Godly!) pattern.

Let me explain…

I started last week with my usual big promises and high hopes for this little ole’ blog of mine. My plans were for daily posts about all this great social-distancing, COVID-19-beatin’ stuff my wife Cheryl and I are doin’ around our house, and all the ways various friends and family are keeping safe and productive too.

That was last Sunday. On Wednesday, I finally manged my second post of the week — and then nothing.

It’s tempting to just brush off my lack of follow through with a chuckle, as I always do. I could just attributed it to “laziness” or “busyness” or some other, common “forgiveable” sin.

But that would be dishonest. And my pattern thrives on dishonesty.

Here’s the honest, healing truth, dear Lord:

I didn’t post as planned/promised last week because I was stricken by fear.

All this COVID 19 stuff first started getting to me last Tuesday when I came down with a slight (productive) cough, an even slighter runny nose, and an even slighter sore throat.

Just allergies, I knew. (They come upon me in this way a lot, actually.)

Yet, I stayed glued to the Internet for a full two days of digging through the internet looking for “proof” that my symptoms weren’t the beginnings of COVID 19. All while I could have been writing about, and praying for, those blessed mockingbird eggs I’d promised to follow — among many other things.

Everything I read gave me great confidence in what I actually “knew” from the start: I was just having a very minor allergy flare up.

But fear is nasty.

The more I read that confirmed what I knew, the more I “needed” further confirmation. And the more confirmation I found, the more potentially contradicting evidence I came across. (I just typed, then deleted, a sentence describing some of that contradicting evidence. Thanks be to God for that discernment. Why would I want to stir up fear in someone else who already knows he has allergies? The fact is, despite the occasional article that might give you pause, if allergies are common for you, and if you have a productive cough and/or a runny nose, it’s allergies. Just go take some Claritin!)

Alas, all this frantic searching — in everything except The Bible — got me off God’s course for days.

And, as the Devil would have it, my symptoms got gradually worse throughout the week.

And, now that I’m back in my right, Godly mindset, that’s actually a funny story:

When the fear of my symptoms finally outweighed my fear that a doctor might hear my symptoms and recommend that my wife and I separate for a couple of weeks — only out of an abundance of caution, of course — I called two doctors.

The first assured me that Claritin was the solution. He also recommended I add Flonase, too. No mention of isolation. Whew! (And, at the time, I overlooked the fact that it was me, not him, who made any mention of COVID 19 in our conversation. That’s how fear blinds a guy.)

At Doc 1’s direction, I continued Claritin, and added Flonase. But I also continued using only half the dosage recommended on the packaging.

Why? Well, that’s the funny part.

Because I’d read that both drugs do their jobs by temporarily weakening a person’s immune system.

Fear had me convinced these medicines would make me “immuno- crompromised” during this dangerous season. Geez!

Of course, my symptoms kept getting a little worse through Saturday evening. And, when I couldn’t reach Doc 1 for a follow-up on a weekend, I found a “teledoc” and told him my story. (The GREAT news here is that this conversation was a free service provided by my, so far very impressive, new health insurance company Community Health Choice. But that’s for another post.)

Doc 2 wasn’t rude, but I am pretty sure I detected a chuckle when I told him I’d been taking half doses of Claritin and Flonase.

He told me I should double the recommended dose.

I did. And I stopped worrying.

And, while my symptoms still haven’t gone away entirely, they are gradually getting there. (Mind you, these symptoms have all been very minor this whole time. In less-crazy times, I doubt if I’d fussed over them at all. Probably wouldn’t have even mentioned them to my wife. )

As I stopped worrying, I could finally hear the Lord reminding me to turn back to prayer and Holy Scripture. And God has “done a new thing” in me. (Reference to Isaiah 43:19. Take a look at that very famous, and currently exceedingly relevant verse. Another post probably coming about that. It’s on my ever-growing list of things I want to post about, Lord willing. Now that I’m back in Godly form, Lord, help me work through that backlog this week.)

In Holy recognition of the Godly, deeply honest spirit of King David (and Job and Apostle Paul and way too many other Biblical figures to name right now), I offer you, God, (and myself !) — this transparent truth:

Lord, I was a fool! I fell into the enemy’s grip. I let his worthless fear deceive me — for days, Lord. Fear is not Your Way, Lord! It is the opposite of Your Holy Spirit. Let me always remember that, especially during this time of trial in which You are clearly calling all believers to spread that message even faster than the devil is spreading his virus.

Lord I know COVID 19 is the enemy’s work, not Yours. I also know that You are, as always, confounding the devil’s plan, turning his arrogance against him. You are doing this through me, Lord! And all believers! Lord, you are calling us all to resist fear, to resist stress, to resist inconvenience, to refuse to play the enemy’s deadly games. Lord, let me act –bodly — on that call!

And, thank you Lord for the promise of the Glorious “New Thing” you are building in us all. May the devil stay eternally frustrated by your Holy wisdom!

Pardon me, everybody. Since this is God I’m typing about, I’d love to go on and on for at least another few hundred (or thousand) words. But, I’m off to get to work on all those upbeat, encouraging posts I talked myself out of writing last week. Praise the Lord for destructive patterns destroyed!