Following Christ Means Following Love

Today’s reading: Mark 8:34-38

My wife reported to our Sunday school class that it was very difficult, but she was  glad she did it. I was proud of her. She had performed discipleship at its best, exactly as Jesus describes it in today’s reading.

“He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.’ (Verse 34)

Here’s what happened:

A young man with a very troubled past had been hanging out at our church for about a year when he heard me speak to the congregation’s men’s group about a sermon I had recently heard from a nationally known pastor. The pastor had told of how he responds to members of his congregation who object to kids from the neighborhood showing up on Sundays with their pants hanging near the knees and boxers thoroughly exposed.

“People look at me and say, ‘What are you going to do about that, Pastor?’ and I always say, ‘I’m not going to do anything. Loving people no matter how they dress is just one of the things we have to do as Christians. Everyone is welcome at this church! I’m not going to ask anyone to pull up his pants!”

Having noticed many young people with low-hanging pants roaming the streets near our own church, I had been particularly inspired by this sermon. I wanted to convince our own congregation to do more to entice those kids to our Sunday services, and I wanted to this particular young man (the only one of the low-hangers to attend regularly) to hear my appeal.  It included an apology to him: I was upset with myself for having encouraged him to take off his cap and pull up his pants on Sundays. It’s true that he had always respectfully complied, but it’s also true that he always changed right back to his “street” look just as soon as services were over.

The pastor’s sermon had made me realize that proper discipleship, in the name of Jesus, required me to encourage this young man to dress as he pleased for church. Today’s reading, among many other verses throughout The Bible makes it clear that I must give up my worldly negative feelings towards others and focus only on Christ’s love.

It’s funny. As I promised James publicly that I would no longer ask him to adjust his attire on Sundays, I also prayed he would see fit to wear “decent” clothes anyway. I knew that seeing his underwear on display would dampen the love  the congregation had, so far, heaped upon him, and I asked God to help him make the “right” decision about his clothes.

I should have known that prayer would go unanswered — at least temporarily.

The next Sunday, of course, James walked right into the church dressed exactly as he pleased — his baseball cap prominent on his head, and his underwear on full display.

He also had an angry demeanor. He glared at me as I saw him, daring me to launch into my usual admonition about his clothes.

A phrase from an old mentor came to mind. Oops, I over coached him, I thought.

I kept to my promise not to ask him to change his outfit, but I was certain he would hear a complaint or two from others who had not heard my talk to the men’s group.

Sure enough, an ugly scene developed quickly.

Several people approached James as a wise, caring teacher might, and politely suggested he take off his cap and pull up his pants.

They all saw jowls in return. Something along the lines of, “That’s not what Jesus would say to me. Just ask Don,” was his common reply.

I didn’t like James insinuating that I condoned his attire and encouraged his anger, so I approached him gingerly.

But he would have nothing of my calmness. He meant business!

“These people all of a sudden don’t like me today because I’m dressed like a thug,” he screamed. “Well, if they think I’m a thug, I’m going to act one!”

With that, James pulled out his iPod,  turned a profanity laden rap song on full-blast, and marched through the church hallways rapping along loudly — proudly disrupting Sunday school classes and other meetings going all through the building. He stared with anger at everyone he saw. “What the f— are you looking at!” I heard him yell at half a dozen times. And I saw him shoot an obscene gesture or two at a couple of innocent, kind-hearted souls who hadn’t even complained about his dress.

I’m still not sure how the police didn’t end up being summoned. I almost decided to call them myself.

I ran into the pastor in the hallway as all of this craziness was happening, and I gave her a sheepish apology for my friend’s behavior. She was coy. (I’m still not sure whether she was pretending.)

“Is there a problem?” she said.

After I explained the situation and apologized again, she just smiled. She had heard the same sermon I had shared with the men. She knew exactly what God was doing in her church.

“This is a test,” she said. “I’m sure we’ll be just fine.”

This empowered me. I suddenly knew my duty under God.

I set out to spread God’s love throughout our congregation. At every turn for the next 30 minutes or so, when I heard anyone mention James’ behavior — and it was definitely the talk of the day — I reminded people it was our duty to approach him with nothing but love.

“Every one of us needs to give him a hug today, ” I said. “We also need to let him know he’s welcome to wear what he pleases any Sunday.”

A few people took my advice, and after services were over, I noticed James standing in the church courtyard conversing with some long-time church members. The whole group was smiling and laughing!

It looks like we’re passing the test, I thought.

As we drove home from church, my wife and I, of course, began discussing this whole affair.

“What are we going to do about James,” she said. “He has to know he can’t act that way.”

“I think the best thing we can do is to pick James up this evening and take him to dinner at the restaurant of his choice,” I said. “And while we’re there, we need to shower him with love.”

Cheryl was incredulous.

“I don’t think I can do that. That’s rewarding his bad behavior! It’s not okay for him to dress like that in church! And it’s definitely not okay for him to act the way he did today!”

“Cheryl, I’m just as upset as everyone else about how James dressed and acted today.  But my anger toward James comes from me, not God.  So I have to give it up. God is calling all of us to give it up. I am confident if the entire church responds to James with love instead of anger, we’ll never see that side of James again. God was tested us today.”

Cheryl was very reluctant. But she finally agreed to invite James to dinner that evening.

And, boy was I proud of that wonderful woman as she scooted in next to James in the restaurant booth. She hugged him tight and looked at him with such love that I’m sure the other customers thought we were his proud parents there celebrating with him over, say, his perfect school report card.

“You’re a good man, James! I love you! We all love you,” she said. She uttered not a word about the day at church.

James — wearing a dress shirt and blue jeans that did not expose his underwear, by the way —  gave a smile that I will never forget. It was obvious he was loving the love.

“I’m sorry, ya’ll. I was wrong to act the way I did today,” he finally said. “I was just testing the church.”

“Well, did we pass?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said sheepishly. “I love that church. And I love you.”

Cheryl and I both struggled to hold in our tears (why we would want to hold them in, I’m still not sure) as our delicious dinner arrived at the table, and all I could think to say was, “God is good! I love you too, James.”

Cheryl smiled and nodded. So did James.

And the three of us thoroughly enjoyed our blessed meal.

The next week at church, James was again the talk of the day — this time because of how polite and up-beat he was to everyone he met. (And his clothes were the same he had worn to the restaurant.)

In our Sunday school class after the service, several people commented upon the amazing change we had seen in James, and I encouraged Cheryl to tell the story of our dinner with him.

“That was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she said. “The last thing I wanted to do was hug that boy! I wanted to ring his neck for the way he acted all day at church!”

I noticed several people nodding their heads at that.

“But I’m very glad we took him to dinner! I do see a lot of good in James. And I’m proud of how he has grown since he started coming here,” Cheryl said to yet more nodding heads.

“And, Cheryl, I’m very proud of you, too!” I said through my tears. “I’m also very proud of our church. James told us that we passed his test. But I know, it was really God’s test.”

Thanks be to God for love. May I (and we) remember to spread it thoroughly in Christ’s name.